Golden Gods

I came here in the U.S.A with a purpose, with a call, feeling deeply that I had to do something about something.
It has been almost 3 years, and I have been silent. Listening, Observing, studying feeling. I have been feeling deeply, in the middle of my chest, this so called American society.
Which is nothing but a group of people, it is always just people, just people. It’s us.
So today, tonight, this morning or whatever, I need to let it all out.
I would want to be kind to my body; because it has been my best friend, always loyal to me, always there for me. In the darkness and in the light, it has never let me down. It has been honest with me, advising me with its symbolic power all the times that I’ve done something wrong to myself, it has been getting sick, or cold, or restless, every time it had to express something I wasn’t paying attention to, it has been teaching me a new lesson every day. And I’ve been trying to listen to it. But it’s all so confusing in the world I’m living in. Everybody reminds me how important it is to look good, to have flawless skin, to have beautiful legs, a great body, a great ass. These statements are hitting me violently, day after day, as I’m trying to listen to my body. This powerful sacred tool I was given.. this delicate sensitive resilient gift I was given. And I am trying to make it feel at peace. I am trying to listen to my toes, to my lungs, to my heart, to my wrists… and let my body be at peace. I walk on set, and I see these long lines of beautiful beautiful people, all worried about their looks, and I am feeling just the same. I never feel good enough, tall enough, skinny enough, pretty enough. I want to tell them they are beautiful, I want to hug them, tell them they are loved. To stop worrying. But I feel just the same fear they feel.
We care about the wrong things. Why do I say we? And why do I say wrong? In this great relative world where ‘’everything can be good and bad, it’s just a matter of prospective’’, and nobody wants to judge and take a stand cause “you might offend someone”. And yet, in the back of our mind, we all have a huge unheard rage that holds strict opinions about everything.
I WANT to say WE care about the WRONG things. Wrong because they simply make us unhappy. The more I care about my great ass, the more I feel detached from myself, disconnected from my body, insecure and lonely. They are all standing in front of me, this long line of unreachable people. This long line of new golden Gods.
Byonce, Rihanna, Shakira,Taylor Swift,Kim Kardashian and so on. And I feel like I can’t live up to that standard.Because I am aching inside, because I wake up with a million thoughts in my head, because I still feel small and vulnerable and open to life. Because I am just trying to be a woman, not a goddess. I look at myself and I try to understand HOW to be a woman, how to be in touch with myself. How to be a mother, how to have a kind heart, how to care.
How human are these people, what type of human model do we have? “Who cares, she’s got a great ass..! I mean have you seen her ass??!”
And I feel powerless. What will happen when my great ass is not that great anymore? What will happen when I won’t be able to get your attention with my pretty eyes and smile?
Will you hear my voice, then? Will you sit next to me, and be patient with me, and listen? And will you look for wisdom in me, for kindness, for empathy, for love?
It’s exhausting to live this way.
We care about the wrong things. When I care for the right ones I feel empowered, fulfilled, connected, safe. When I care for people, for someone’s story, when I can hold someone, or just simply be there for a friend. I never run out of energy.
I wish I could give some of this love I have to the people I know or I will encounter and offer them a different angle to look at themselves and life, a new option, just something different to care about.
Peace is a state of heart, it’s a state of mind, it’s the awareness of being human and being ok with it. But it’s impossible to achieve on our own, it’s a collective connected state of life.
Be the model and Break the model.

One thought on “Golden Gods

  1. YOU ARE… “good enough, tall enough, skinny enough, pretty enough”, and way more.
    Plus your soul is outshines all of these thing.

    You may doubt the physical things from time to time, but your spirit and your heart are in the right place and that almost makes the rest irrelevant.


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