I’ve been carrying this idea for months, watching it taking shape, slowly growing, slowly forming. This idea was created in me like a marble vase under Life’s delicate touch. I like to lose myself in thousands of thoughts, until all the thoughts are gone and I stand still, eternal, and I find myself again. In my daily meditation a word kept coming back to me, the word Limit. Boundary. Confine, closed door. Gently, that word kept coming back to me, whispering lost wisdom. My innate openness, my love for love, my need for connection, my passionate fearless instincts, my fear of hurting others, the deep demand I wrote on my heart to always protect them.. all this, which is simply my nature, you will understand, naturally refused the idea of limit. I don’t want to limit my love, why should I?! What good would come from it? But that word kept coming back.
Life had a lesson to teach me and patiently, consistently She said her word to me, again. I fought it hard, trust me, I got mad over it, I refused it over and over with all my power. I did not want to comprehend it. Why should I?! Yet, finally, I listened. And there, I understood.
I need limits; I need to have a defined shape and places where I can’t go. To be a safe home for myself I need to know how to lock my doors and recognize when and how to open them. I have been told by society, by religion, by quick pills of common sense and common knowledge how good it is to always push further, to always overcome my limits.
-IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING- Adidas used to remind me. As if, the sentence: “this is impossible for me” or: “I CAN’T do it” are necessarily negative, necessarily bad statements. Do you see where the trick is?
We are; I surely have been tricked into thinking that any negation is negative, that saying no to something or someone is a sign of resignation or lack of positivity. I will tell you this: I have been like Icarus, flying closer and closer to the sun, thinking that was my objective; only to find my wings burning and falling.
I will tell you this: there is a vital necessity in my human structure to preserve beauty and pleasures by containing them, there is a vital balance between the times in which I’m extroverted and the times in which I’m introverted. There is no progression without regression, no awareness without taking a step back to look at myself.
There is an anti-hero in me, who needs to come alive and breathe. He is my involution, my denial, my negation, my way back home. As I am seeking completion rather than perfection, I am seeking harmony between my positive side and my negative side, which is the only way to the higher sense. The only way to the sun, traveling into darkness.